Even my mom who turned 87 this year wishes she could help me/us more (bless her). Which she has and before my family who do read this not financially so you don't jump to untrue conclusions. She ordered Meals On Wheels for us for a Christmas present for 2 days a week for a couple of months. Which takes a huge a burden off us as the two days are Chris's busiest and helps him to not have to worry about dinner, when he gets home. Sadly you think it would be us doing that gesture instead of the other way around, considering the age difference. And to my one sister who thought this was a stupid idea for mom to do, may you never get sick enough to not be able to cook anymore before you pass judgement.
Another reason I wanted to write about family, we all believe they will be here there for you, sadly they are not as much as everyone thinks that they can rely on those you've grown up with (I guess I was delusional thinking we were a closer family then we really are/were). Until you are in the position we face daily you will find out which way your family will behave. Maybe even a few of us have helped them from time to time over the years I know I/we have.
I will say I do hear from those that live here in all fairness when they need me e.g. to support their kids/grand kids by purchasing something when they are doing fundraisers, birthday parties, showers etc. Or home parties but that's the extent of our contact with them. And they may wonder why I don't reach out well once I sat back and realized this was the only time they contacted me do you blame me for not calling?
I'm not only talking about my family. Our neighbour who is 82 one Saturday we had a knock on the door from a friend of hers that lives in the building, who came and asked if Chris could come next door and help her. She had fallen and could not get herself up. I bring this up because she had been trying for hours to do so on her own and realized she could not pull herself up. Chris realized this by how sweaty she was and played out. She has a son and daughter-in-law that lives a few blocks from here and never returned her calls. As she explained she had been calling his home and cell for a couple of hours before she called her friend to come knock on our door.
Chris went over and helped her up and she was embarrassed as she was in her nightgown and told Chris she was fine once he got her comfortably back in bed. She did actually hurt herself and was in a wheelchair last time Chris did see her. I too have since gone to see her to give her our phone number should she ever need help again as long as he is home (I would be unable to help). In talking to her I found out that her son and daughter-in-law were busy shopping and then went out for dinner and thought she was just calling to say hello! Because they did not listen to her messages until much later that night they had no idea she was calling for help! Um hello if an elderly or any family member keeps calling you that should be a BIG CLUE that something might be wrong and quit being so self centered and answer the call!
I also mention family because since losing my license not one of my family members besides my mom has called to ask how I am coping with losing the last little bit of freedom I had. I know I have a husband but still it would be a nice gesture for one of them to call and show some sort of compassion I know I would in a heartbeat, had it happened to one of them. Maybe it's because we don't have children or grandchildren that they feel they don't need to because we have each other. That is a huge part of any persons life and although I did not drive as much as I once did. I don't think they fully understand with my condition I cannot take public transportation nor even if I could, could I walk on the side walks so I truly am housebound unless my husband takes me out. (Since writing this I have managed to get my license back but it does have restrictions on it.)
I am not writing this to shame anyone, although it may sound like it. As always it just my way of telling the world that feels such compassion and outrage about issues happening in the world. There are many life changing events that could be happening within their small world that they should feel the same compassion for. Just like I did for example before my sister passed away. Taking her kids to their outings, skating to movies even going over to play games with them. Making meals etc, But they seem to have forgotten that, yes they were young but over the years the youngest of the two has been having small glimmers of remembering.
Even last year when I was going to physio, I was picking up my brother-in-law from work after my physio and drove him home so he wouldn't have to wait two hours for my sister to come get him when she finished work. Did I need to no, did I need to book my appointments to co-inside with his schedule no. But I did it out of kindness and compassion when I found out how long his day was. I did not do so wanting anything in return, and trust me nothing is what I received and I'm okay with that. But still once in a while I look back and think you could at least reach out once in a while to ask how we are and can we help in anyway. But I guess again that is my delusion in believing everyone has the same mind-set isn't that what family is about? Helping one another? Lesson learned no more being the nice person as it just brings more sadness and sadness is the last thing I need in my life. The doctors are doing a good enough job in that department I don't need it from family too.
I have also since I wrote this found out that many in my family don't believe I am as sick as I am. Nice for them to judge when none of them speak to me, or visit. So please if you do read this enlighten me as to how you know what I am dealing with and my struggles each day? Maybe I can shed some light too for the all the doctors I see, seeing as you are experts on how I struggle to do even the most basic of tasks each day.
May you never be disillusioned by your family like I have. Or our neighbour for that matter. Pick up the phone when family calls you never know when they could use your help! And trust me you one day may find yourself in the same predicament.
*Post note I originally wrote this January but I am only publishing it now. Our neighbour is on the mend, unfortunately I can't say the same for my medical journey*
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