I hide from the outside world fairly well my sad/bad days, I
have told myself many times that no one wants to hear the bad days Heather,
they want to hear the upbeat and positive side that everything is going okay. No one including myself want to face illness and for certain no one wants a reminder of their fragile mortality.
A while back a friend called me like she usually does on a
Friday before she heads out of the city to her lovely home in the country for
the weekend. I almost didn't answer the
phone because I was having one of those very down and bad days that I try very
hard to hide from people. But through my tears I mistook the number for my husband only to be
startled by a voice that was my girlfriend.
I tried very quickly to remove the sadness is my voice but my friend was
quicker than me and realize something was wrong.
But then like a light bulb going off in my head I thought
this is what people who are close to me need to hear. I do struggle with an illness every day, some days
are brutal like the one I was having when she called. She asked what was wrong (possible a big mistake
on her part the flood gates opened), I
explained through my tears how I had been stuck in my chair being unable to move for the last
hour, my muscles were constantly twisting and causing me the most agonizing
pain. I had already drank the drink I poured when I first sat down for my day, I
was getting hungry and knew I had to wait another 6 hours before my husband
would be home from work to help me, and any person I could think to call for help has
a job and would be working. I am trapped sitting in a body that is
not allow me to move, god forbid if I had to go the washroom, I'd be doomed. I was frustrated and emotionally
drained by the time she called.
Why is
this cruel illness happening to me?
That is a lot to lay on someone at work calling to wish you
a happy weekend! I told her sorry if you
can believe it I did not mean to lay my
problems on her, ironic words as I write this but that was how I felt.
I also
know how hard it is for someone who does not deal with a chronic condition or
live with a person who does...words escape what they can say when being told
all this. Bless her she wished she could
help me but I completely understood she was not in a position to do so, but thanked her for listening to me and told her to get back to work and forget about my predicament, I'll hopefully be able to move in a short while.
She promised to come visit me the
following week and we hung up the phone.
Finally another hour passed and I was able to get up and at
least grab a drink as I headed to my couch to await the arrival of my
husband in a few more hours. One last
cruel twist my body had for me as I headed to the comfort of my couch with my drink
in hand I started to fall sending my coke flying in the air, I was left
covered in coke not just me but the carpet and my very wet couch which
was to be my sanctuary, unable to help myself I stayed that way until my husband came home.
My knight in shining armor came home to the rescue and cleaned
up the mess.
Like a fairy-tale ending...
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