I was hoping it would be a one day attack those I can handle, but for some reason like the storm passing through our city it seems to have taken hold and not want to release in a timely fashion. I woke up with little sleep on Friday morning in terrible pain maybe like the storm brewing my body too was getting set to begin the perpetual cycle of torture it had in mind for me this weekend. I could not get comfortable no matter where I sat or laid and before I knew it my back was spasming and my legs again stopped working. As always my mind said to itself this will only be for a short time. I took one of my coveted diazepam's that doctors are so worried I will be come addicted to and will not prescribe any more to me until they can re-diagnose my condition and prayed that it would take away the pain and spasming. Lucky for me after an hour it did make me groggy enough to fall asleep for another short hour. As I woke up and went to get off the couch again my legs gave way and down I went crawling to reach the bathroom and praying I could find the strength as I was alone I did manage to pull myself up. I then slowly and very unsteadily made my way back to the couch and took another pill realizing that the one had done nothing to ease the pain or spasms gripping me. I stayed in an awkward position on the couch until hubby came home from work being too weak to move and unable to stop my body from twisting.
I know I have mentioned before how wonderful a husband I have but I have to say it again. Seeing how poorly I was and could not find a comfortable place to be, and having such trouble walking I asked him if he would be kind enough to rearrange the living room and bring out the air mattress we use to use for camping that seems now like a lifetime ago for me to lie on. As always without hesitation he did sets me up with a bunch of pillows behind me using the couch for support a drink beside me and everything else I could need to be able to watch TV or read. It was great until that dam mother nature called without thinking I tried to get up but could not my legs just would not function Chris came running as he heard me and helping me up then walking with me we made it....even with all this happening we both joked it's times like this I am glad we don't live in a house that has other floors or a long walk to get to where we were going as this venture took me a good twenty minutes when it should take 10 seconds tops. By the time we went back into the living room I was in such pain that Chris wanted to take me the hospital but I refused saying what for? As always I will wait 10 to 12 hours waiting to be seen only to be told there is nothing wrong with me and sent home I have played that game for many years with the same outcome. I asked him to give me two more of my prize possessions and I will try and get some sleep propped up the way I was on the mattress and for him to go bed.
I woke up from a few hours sleep if that's what you could call what I had to catch the morning breaking into a new day, still not feeling good but at least my legs were working better than the day before, meaning with a lot of work on my part I could walk without needing Chris's help. As the day progressed I knew another commitment we had planned weeks before was going to be cancelled on our end not because I didn't want to go but I knew I was in no shape to go. I no sooner sent a text to my friend to tell her we could not make it than my muscles began some of the most violent spams to date. They were so strong and causing me so much pain that Chris called an ambulance after watching me for 30 minutes and my being unable to answer him with no end in sight but as always by the time the paramedics arrived they had subsided enough for me to able to talk again. My speech was weak but I was able to catch my breath and talk to them. They took my vitals and said everything was normal and did I feel the need to go to the hospital (loaded question to someone who has lost all faith in our medical profession)....now a little voice in my head said go but the other part of me... the one that for years and years has been in and out of the hospital said don't bother you already know the outcome and that voice won. Looking back in hindsight maybe I should have as Saturday night was a non-stop fun filled night of wave after wave of spasms and had I'd gone in maybe just maybe they would have believed me and had someone in the medical field seen it 1st hand would they have done something more to help me I don't know and that opportunity is now in the past.
Sunday and now into early Monday morning I'm still feeling the effects and although my spasms are not as frequent nor as violent as Friday and Saturday my body is weak from the beating it took. Which brings me back to the question how much more can I take of this and how can I survive knowing the next neurologist I see is not until October? As for my coveted prize pills which help a little for I can't take a large enough dose to truly help me in anyway dwindle away am I going to be forced like the addicted junkie they are making me feel I will become if they give me more need to go looking for them on the street? This past weekend also makes me wonder will I ever get back my faith I use to have in our medical profession and will I be able to take up the offer to go to the hospital when the need arises instead of watching the worry and pain cross upon my husband face? I pray these last few days are it until October could you who read this hope the same.
I'm still trying to find the bight side of this crazy ride...it is a long weekend so I'm hearing... Happy Canada Day and to my American friends Happy Independence Day!
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