Am I losing my mind? I have uttered those words for years, this past year I realized that this was not something that was going to go away by itself nor was it in my mind. I could no longer tell myself if I pushed myself just a little harder and worked my body against whatever this was that was slowing me down and causing me to go into terrible muscle spasms could I work through it on my own nor was I going to wake up tomorrow and be miraculously cured.
The first time a muscle spasms hit was about in 1996 when suddenly the muscle in my upper left stomach suddenly felt like it wanted to leave my body through the rib cage the pain was so intense that I fell onto my bed screaming in pain, thinking I was about to die when suddenly it stopped, just like that gone, had I moved the wrong way? Was it my heart? I went back to doing what I was doing before it happened and was fine for the rest of the day. To be certain I made an appointment with my doctor to do an EKG and Stress Test just to assure myself it was not my heart and both came back fine. My doctor did not have an answer for me and said maybe I had just moved the wrong way.
I had this come and go for many months then as quickly as it appeared it went away for two years with nothing. Guess I was just out of shape and because I had started exercising again my body just had to get use to movement I am getting older I told myself.
Then like in the past, out of the blue I went to shoulder check while driving and bam hit again with the same feeling my muscle in the upper left side of my stomach felt like it was trying to escape through my rib cage. I pulled over until the feeling past; crying and in terrible pain forgetting where I was heading I just wanted to get home.
Made another appointment with my doctor who again could not explain what was going on. We went back and forth like this for many years.
Moving forward to 2007 when these muscle spasms started happening almost every week. I went again to my doctor, he told me I was just overweight and needed to lose weight, I told him I had been trying and that too was bothering me as it seemed no matter how hard I tried nothing was working. He told me if I would quit eating fast food and took better care of myself I would be fine. When I explained I don't eat fast food he actually looked at me and said oh come on look at you. OUCH! Determined I went home that night and started a food journal everything that went in and out was recorded good and bad. Once I had a months' worth of recorded food and drink I went back to see him. When I showed him my journal he said if you're not going to honest I can't help you. Another OUCH! I finally convinced him to at least send me for some sort of test because something is going on regardless of my weight. Reluctantly he did send me for CT scan that came back with "according to him" showed that I had an enlarged liver that because I am not a raging alcoholic is due to my being over- weight and if I didn't do something about it and fast I would be heading for liver failure. Imagine my state of mind leaving the office my husband was very upset and demanded that I make another appointment with my doctor so he could be present.
Before my next appointment could take place, I had a terrible attack one night so bad that my husband drove me to the hospital. Ah the joy of the medical system in Manitoba I sat in the emergency waiting room for 10 hours the first 4 of those having non-stop spasms, by the time I was seen I was no longer having spasms I was just very sore and tired. The doctor who saw me said I think you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Thinking this is what it could be back we went to my regular doctor who again said I don' t think so but because my husband was there and armed with what the ER doctor said he reluctantly made an appointment this time with a Gastroenterologist who did perform an endoscopy and a colonoscopy and could not find anything wrong but did put me on medication for Irritable Bowel Syndrome and also gave me Quinine thinking that might help with the muscle spasms. Neither of these medications helped and the spasms seemed to be getting worse. I continued going on with my everyday life and tried to ignore what was going on, everyone else seemed to think there was nothing really wrong so I tired to convince myself the same.
When I could not ignore the spasms anymore, back to my GP I go only to be told maybe it's all in my head and maybe I should go on antidepressants because I am sitting here crying and obviously nothing is really wrong with me. He hands me a script for antidepressants and off I go home. My husband by this time is fed up with the doctor I see I had many other visits with more insults on how he conceived my lifestyle and accusations that I was making up what I was describing what was happening to me.
Trying to take matters into my own hands, I tried every conceivable way to find a new doctor who would take me as a new patient and always received the same responds...you already have a doctor and we are only taking patients who do not have a primary doctor.
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