Support System

If you want to find out how strong your relationship is get really sick (kidding) I don't wish an illness on anyone, but trust me when I say this. 

I am one of the lucky ones, I have read or seen in my own world people struggling with being ill and that one person you think you can rely on turns away from you.  I think back to my sister who passed away and can only think of her with an aching heart knowing that her husband was one of those that turned away.  I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for her. 

I have a wonderful husband.  I cannot stress how important a support system is when you are chronically or terminally ill.  If you are one of those struggling with dealing with a person who is ill in your life, spend a moment and think of yourself in their place there are no guarantees it can't happen.  Not one of us wishes our lives to be turned upside down , but those who you love and watch decline are life lessons to you.

If you don't have a spouse, I hope you have a close family member or a good friend who you can turn to.  For anyone who is supporting someone who is sick I urge you to think of ways to support that person, my lesson from watching my sister and now me here are some do's and don'ts of my own personal advise I would like to pass on:

I have learned laughing truly is important.  Don't wallow in self pity for long...you won't help yourself and others are liable to turn away.  Having a bad day pick up the phone if you are alone and talk to someone you know will pick your spirits up.

 Go to appointments with the person whom you are taking care of/ if you are not directly taking care of them but know they need support offer to go with them they may be reluctant but by showing compassion and they are comfortable in knowing you truly care the support will mean the world to them.

Do not trivialize their illness because you are not comfortable dealing with it....let that person know  you would be surprised to know some of the thoughts you have we have too because of the unknown.

Allow the person to cry, it is not a sign of weakness or of giving in.  Sometimes just like when they were healthy crying releases pent up anger, frustration, confusion and even joy. 

Even if you know your friend or family member has a spouse do pick up the phone once in awhile, send a quick email anything to let that person know they matter in your life.  We all get busy in our lives when I was still healthy I was guilty of this myself but I also made an effort to call my sister a few times a week just to say hello.  I can place myself in her shoes now and realize how important that call was to her well-being , it can be lonely sitting at home all day especially if you have an illness that prevents you from going out.

Don't think because we can't go out today doesn't  mean we never can. Some days are better than others  and we may not be able to go out for hours but even a short outing can be a big event now to someone who is unwell. And makes a world of difference to someone's mental health.

If we can't go out offer to come over and visit.  Just remember to not pass judgement on how a place looks if they have no one at home to help them.  I have never heard when someone has passed away did you see their home and how messy it was?  No one really cares in the big scheme of things.:-). 

If they have children offer to take the kids out for the day.  I don't have little ones but I know my sister loved it when I came over and either played games with her boys or took them out.  I use to call and offer to make dinner and have a game night with them at their home....I know how much again that meant to her.

I could go on and on but will leave it at these few for now but I know I will write about this more as I continue my meandering thoughts. ;-)